Today is my last day in Henley on Thames, infact last full day in the UK for sometime. I really want to write about my emotions but apart from crying occasionally because I’m so overwhelmed by leaving so many friends and especially my two main girls Rachel Lloyd and Sally King. They have been the most supportive friends you could ever wish for. Not once have they made me feel as if I shouldn’t be doing what I’m going to do. Yes they probably think I’m bonkers, mad, or just downright stupid, I don’t know. I only know that for friends they don’t come any better.
Not far behind are many many more. You know who you are and you’ve all become family.
I started writing this sitting in my empty house waiting to have the chimney swept. The sun was blazing through the lounge window welcoming me to my new life, showing me the future really in bright.
I certainly have not had the final week in HoT like I’d planned. Last Friday I started with the dreaded virus which seems to be knocking so many people out. I did manage to find a second wind for my leaving do at The Bell where Pam Myles had excelled her culinary prowess and made for everyone the best ever curry. Rob Hooton managed the numerous well wishers and encouraged them to give a donation rather than buy me a drink. In the Bell over the last week you guys have raised over £110. Thank you so much.
I finally got out of bed on Tuesday and began to stress. I hadn’t even started to pack not just the stuff to take with me but also the house. Fortunately I have have a great friend who has moved me the last few times Rob Strutt of Galaxy Removals and he and his guys packed me away and took it all into storage. My neighbour, yes the one who previously stood on my door step very aggressively shouting at me in a threatening manner, refused the evening before to move his builder’s truck and 4 wheel Audi from in front of my house. Even the next morning when we asked again he refused. Somewhere in his heart he had a change and about 2 hours in he offered to make space. Even he has some goodness in him.
So after the day’s stresses had melted away I drifted to what had become my second home, The Bell. What a night. I think the photos speak for themselves.
This is my last blog from the UK and I really must go now and organise my packing.
November. I can’t believe how disorganised I have become, or maybe it’s because it’s my stuff and not paid ‘work’. In no particular order I have to empty my house, sell stuff I don’t want to put into storage, organise an agent to take over the letting and management, organise some certificates to let the house, do some decorating (obviously I won’t be physically doing it,) change the flooring in the bathroom, new carpets, decide where I go first on my adventure, research volunteer organisations, sort out visas, flights, flight dates, flight times, what will I take, what will I need to have access to from storage when I return, where will I store my jewellery, my private papers, how to use e.bay, price up everything to sell, oh why does everyone want to buy for next to nothing??? The list goes on and on. Actually my biggest emotional upset is where will I stay when I pop back to the UK and how do I stop living off my capital because I can’t sustain this life indefinitely. Using capital has always made me feel insecure.
I’ve got so stressed out that I started to have tight pains in my chest which circled round to my back. I knew it was stress but the doctor insisted on blood tests and an ECG. Results. …normal. I started to use relaxation techniques and visualise the future and how my life was going to be. Now a heart problem has been eliminated I’m back to normal.
Actually since being made redundant I have slept better. Maybe because I don’t have to wake to an alarm; I don’t know. I’m dreaming regularly and about past loves in my life especially my ex husband. I was troubled initially but now think it’s just the residue of lost expectations of what might have been. I feel like I’m in a emerging from a mourning period for what might have been and this clearing is allowing me to make the move to the next chapter of my life.
It’s already October and I’m starting to panic and am feeling anxious. Still don’t have a clue what to do, and the funds will not last for too long, and I do want to make the most of my time off. I have to say ‘I love not having to go to work’ and am really surprised to hear myself say this as for years I always thought I would have to work to have a reason to get out of bed each morning and to give myself a purpose. Maybe I love not working because I know it’s not forever.
I have even thought about getting back on the tread mill out of shear panic. I would not be true to myself if I gave up so easily. It would be too easy to do that. Though as usual my old fears raise from within me that I’m not good enough and who would want me and pay me. Though surprising I have actually been offered jobs already. However, I would be giving in and would have succumbed to fear if I accepted.
At the moment I’m open to any ideas…so what have I done so far? I’ve applied for my DBS licence (previously CRB) so I could apply for my Chaperone’s Licence to look after kids as ‘loco parentis’ on film sets, etc. Yes… I can hear you laughing, yes me with kids! Who would have thought it! You wouldn’t, I’m not surprised. For more information if you’re interested in this exciting work, and long hours on occasion contact Sally King at Sally King Casting.
What else have I done. I signed up for two part time courses at the local college: Social Media and E Commerce. Again those who know me will be aware that I’m a bit of a philistine and believe friends are friends not ‘friends’ in cyber space. I’d rather pick up a phone or meet up to chat about all sorts. I really don’t get social media but totally understand how it takes over your life without ever having to leave your home. I’d rather have half a dozen good loyal friends rather than hundreds on Facebook for thousands of followers on Twitter.
Took time off with Dani Dennington, an excellent experienced Cognitive Hypnotherapist and Past Life Therapist based in Thame. You’ll find her at www.thecroftpractice.co.uk
We went to spend a week at Les Marguerites in Alet les Bains near to Carcassonne, Limoux and Rennes le Château with Antoinette and her family in their beautiful Bed and Breakfast. This is such a peaceful relaxing place, filled with love, laughter and good energies that you can’t help but feel the changes evolving and wanting to keep that feeling forever. Take a look at the web site and book yourself a break www.les-marguerites.fr
So now I’m ready to take over my life and take responsibility for what I do. I no longer have to live the life others expected of me.