November. I can’t believe how disorganised I have become, or maybe it’s because it’s my stuff and not paid ‘work’. In no particular order I have to empty my house, sell stuff I don’t want to put into storage, organise an agent to take over the letting and management, organise some certificates to let the house, do some decorating (obviously I won’t be physically doing it,) change the flooring in the bathroom, new carpets, decide where I go first on my adventure, research volunteer organisations, sort out visas, flights, flight dates, flight times, what will I take, what will I need to have access to from storage when I return, where will I store my jewellery, my private papers, how to use e.bay, price up everything to sell, oh why does everyone want to buy for next to nothing??? The list goes on and on. Actually my biggest emotional upset is where will I stay when I pop back to the UK and how do I stop living off my capital because I can’t sustain this life indefinitely. Using capital has always made me feel insecure.
I’ve got so stressed out that I started to have tight pains in my chest which circled round to my back. I knew it was stress but the doctor insisted on blood tests and an ECG. Results. …normal. I started to use relaxation techniques and visualise the future and how my life was going to be. Now a heart problem has been eliminated I’m back to normal.
Actually since being made redundant I have slept better. Maybe because I don’t have to wake to an alarm; I don’t know. I’m dreaming regularly and about past loves in my life especially my ex husband. I was troubled initially but now think it’s just the residue of lost expectations of what might have been. I feel like I’m in a emerging from a mourning period for what might have been and this clearing is allowing me to make the move to the next chapter of my life.